It is 2 AM where I am. As I begin to write this, I can't help but wonder what am I doing in life. I feelso miserable at times. I locked myself in my room because I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I hate myself tonight. I feel like crying and I know that crying will be a relief. If I cry, everything will be better, but tears won't come.
It's been almost 9 years since I cried last, the day my mother died. My friends want me to see someone, but I refuse. The inability to cry isn't really something dangerous is it?
Am I repressing my emotions? I don't really care. Am I bipolar? All signs and indications point that way. I don't want to see a psychologist or a psychiatric; I don't want to be pumped full of drugs. I don't want to lose even an inch of control.
I think I'm starting to be greatfull that I started this blog. even if no one is reading it, I can let some things go.
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